Mallory Ortberg Quotes

Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.

It can't hurt to have a backup.

So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or "bringing up bad memories" that bereaved people often feel forgotten.

You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.

If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, "Yes, it bothers me." Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock.

Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.

If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). You have more options than "no blow jobs, ever" and "regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting."

Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.

Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.

As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.

I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone, "What I want right now will never change, and as long as I promise you I do - or don't - want a child - or a specific number of children - before we get married, we will never have to experience fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or the pain of not getting what we want, when we want it.

It's one thing to be a high achiever; it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the "misfortune" to drive a bus for a living.

Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.

Your partner cannot fault you for refusing to host a perpetual-motion party or for the fact that you must sleep and will eventually die.

I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.

Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.

Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.

To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.

Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.

As you feel increasingly comfortable around your friends, I think it's more than fine to share the basic details of your heroin addiction with them. If they seem receptive, you can feel free to talk about it in further detail; if they seem judgmental or uncomfortable, you can move on to other topics.

I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney "only" to family members.

Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body.

Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes.

Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.

Someone who responds to "Please don't grope me" with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.