Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.
You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.
If someone you know is diagnosed with cancer, give them a call or send them a letter to tell them how sorry you are and to let them know how much you care.
Not wanting to give everyone in your life one of your kidneys is not the same thing as hoping they die of kidney failure.
