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Woody Allen Quotes about Funny - Page 3

All Woody Allen Quotes Age Anxiety Art Atheism Atheist Baseball Basketball Beer Boredom Character Childhood Children Choices College Comedy Concentration Cooking Country Crime Culture Cynicism Death Desire Divorce Drama Driving Dying Education Enthusiasm Failing Falling In Love Feelings Fighting Film Food Fun Funny quotes Genius Getting Older Giving God Hate Heart Heaven Hell Hilarious Home House Human Nature Humanity Hurt Imagination Immortality Inspiration Inspirational Inspiring Kissing Laughter Liberty Life Logic Love Love And Death Love Life Luck Lying Mankind Marriage Maturity Meaning Of Life Money Morning Pain Past Philosophy Politics Quality Reading Reality Regret Reincarnation Religion Running Sarcasm School Science Sleep Smoking Stupidity Style Success Suffering Sunday Talent Time Today Tragedy Universe Waiting Wall War Water Wife Winning Writing

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

What has gotten into you lately? Save a little craziness for menopause!

Funny, Humor, Littles

How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket?

Funny, Humor, Science

"Mere Anarchy", 2007.

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.

Love, Funny, Life

Love and Death, www.imdb.com. 1975.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Funny, Witty, Jobs

Woody Allen, Robert E. Kapsis, Kathie Coblentz (2006). “Woody Allen: Interviews”, p.44, Univ. Press of Mississippi

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Inspirational, Funny, Witty

Audio CD "Woody Allen: Stand-Up Comic 1964-1968", 1999.

I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's.

Funny, Desire, Return

"Woody Allen: 'To have been a lead character in a juicy scandal doesn't bother me'" by Oliver Burkeman, www.theguardian.com. September 13, 2012.

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

Funny, Sex, Humor

"Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)", 1972.

We knew the front door was always left open, but we broke in just to keep in practice. Doxy turned all the Washburn family photos to the wall so there wouldn't be any witnesses.

Funny, Wall, Humor

Woody Allen (2007). “Mere Anarchy”, Random House Incorporated

Marriage is the death of hope.

Funny, Death, Humor

Woody Allen (2009). “Three One-Act Plays: Riverside Drive Old Saybrook Central Park West”, p.206, Random House

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Funny, Team, Chess Game

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Funny, Witty, Money

New Yorker, 5 Nov. 1973

Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

Funny, Sex, Humor

"Sleeper", 1973.

Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name.

Funny, Humorous, Names

Woody Allen, Robert E. Kapsis, Kathie Coblentz (2006). “Woody Allen: Interviews”, p.151, Univ. Press of Mississippi

The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.

Funny, Humor, Jersey

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Funny, Life, Humor

"Fictional character: Alvy Singer". "Annie Hall", www.imdb.com. 1977.

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Funny, Book, Humor

New Yorker, 21 Nov. 1977

Umlaut snaps around and we cut to a blond apparition in her early twenties, clearly descended from Olympus by way of Hugh Hefner's mansion.

Funny, Beauty, Humor

Woody Allen (2007). “Mere Anarchy”, Random House Incorporated

Don't think of death as an ending. Think of it as a really effective way of cutting down your expenses.

Funny, Cutting, Thinking

I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

Funny, Humor, Suicidal

Annie Hall (motion picture) (1977). Cowritten with Marshall Brickman. This joke appeared in a monologue recorded live in August 1968 and released on The Third Woody Allen Album.

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind -- a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

Funny, Laughter, Ideas

Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

Funny, Sex, Humorous

Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex (1972 film)

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Funny, Witty, Humorous

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Funny, Beautiful, Sex

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

Funny, Humor, Punishment

I am an only child. I have one sister.

Funny, Family, Children

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