Wilson Mizner Quotes

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

The most efficient water power in the world - women's tears.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

To profit from good advice requires more wisdom than to give it.

I've known countless people who were reservoirs of learning, yet never had a thought.

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.

Easy street is a blind alley.

The first hundred years are the hardest.

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

I never saw a mob rush across town to do a good deed.

Women can instantly see through each other, and it's surprising how little they observe that's pleasant.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor-unassisted.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

A good party is where you enjoy good people, and they taste even better with Champagne.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.