Al Yankovic Quotes

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

You fake something until you're good at it.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

That's a big part of my life - doing things that I'm not prepared to do. Doing things that I don't know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them. I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I'll catch up.

My brothers and sisters hated me because I was an only child.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals.

It was difficult to get into my friends' rock bands when I was a teenager. They somehow didn't see the need for an accordion player. That's when I realized that I had to find my own path in life.

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

I'll bet every great thinker and leader we've got Could see all kinds of things other people could not! So then why get upset if somebody like me Tries to look at the world just a bit differently?

I'll be mellow when I'm dead.

It's hard to force creativity and humor.

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

I try not to go the obvious route all the time, but sometimes the most obvious is actually the best.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

How can you get bored if the audience is cheering and laughing at something you're doing?

Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows. I am not making this up. Needless to say, as soon as I discovered that, I gave up meat entirely.

That's something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

Didn't have Nintendo, we just poured salt on snails.

If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.

When I go to my live shows it's often a multigenerational audience, a family bonding experience.

I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue than spend one more minute with you.

There are probably a few library fines I haven't paid yet, but I'm a pretty clean-cut guy overall.

I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I’m concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career. On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!