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George Carlin Quotes about Giving

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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.

Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.

Giving, Political, Incentives

The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election

Bullshit, Giving, Voting

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.

Rain, Giving, Wetlands

I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?

Humorous, Giving, Selling

Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't.

Ideas, Giving, Choices

"Life Is Worth Losing". Documentary, Comedy, 2005.

Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

Giving, Sick, Guy

George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.310, Hachette UK

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

People, Giving, Choices

Never give up on an idea simply because it is bad and doesn't work.

Giving Up, Ideas, Giving

George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything.

School, Ideas, Giving

Let's suppose we all just materialized on Earth and there was a bunch of potatoes on the ground, okay? There's just six of us. Only six humans. We come into a clearing and there's potatoes on the ground. Now, my instinct would be, let's everybody get some potatoes. "Everybody got a potato? Joey didn't get a potato! He's small, he can't hold as many potatoes. Give Joey some of your potatoes." "No, these are my potatoes!" That's the Republicans. "I collected more of them, I got a bigger pile of potatoes, they're mine. If you want some of them, you're going to have to give me something."

Giving, Earth, Republican

That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved of." That's basically what you're after. "Give me attention, give me applause, give me an audience. A. A. A. Straight As." That's all you're looking for.

Giving, Attention, Want

Source: www.avclub.com

Language always gives you away.

Giving, Language

One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.

Giving, Use, Philosopher

Source: reprints.longform.org

Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?

Giving, Should, Illegal

Song: Feminist Blowjob, Album: Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

Art, Cutting, Giving

George Carlin (2004). “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, Hyperion

The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.

Stupid, Eye, Giving

Source: abilitymagazine.com

Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.

Humorous, Giving, Helping

George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark.

Giving, Together, Buttons

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