Bill Hicks Quotes about Funny

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.

I ascribe to Mark Twain's theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, "Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting?" Guy said, "Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted." If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know during the Persian Gulf war those intelligence reports would come out: "Iraq: incredible weapons - incredible weapons." How do you know that? "Uh, well... we looked at the receipts."

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul

I can speak for every guy in this room here tonight. Guys, if you could blow yourselves, ladies, you'd be in this room alone right now. Watching an empty stage.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally upon our planet. Doesn’t the idea of making nature against the law seem to you a bit . . . unnatural?

I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.